🍊 A Man with a Head the Size of an Orange Walks into a Bar

 

He sits down and orders a thimble of beer. The bartender looks confused but gets him the drink.

 "Here's your drink, sir," says the barman. "But I have to ask. Are you, um, okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," says the man. "It's not painful or anything." He gestures at his tiny head.

"But, um, how did it happen?" asks the barman.

"Alright then," says the man. "I'll tell you my tail of woe."

"In my youth, I was a pilot. I flew all over the world, seeing the sights and getting in adventures. One day, I was flying over the Middle East. While flying above the desert, there was a great storm. Thunder rolled, and lightning cracked the skies."

"Oh, my!" said the barman.

"There was no landing strip in sight, so I had to keep going. I flew through the storm, praying for my survival. Suddenly, my plane was struck, right on the engine. Everything went black as I fell from the sky."

"Oh, gosh!" said the barman.

"I woke up covered in sand. My plane was smouldering and broken, and I was lucky to have rolled out of the wreckage. I got up and started walking. I had no idea where I was going, but I needed to find civilisation somewhere."

"Oh, golly!" said the barman.

"I walked for three days and three nights. I was thirst, hungry and tired. But most of all, I missed my wife. We had just wedded and were having the best newly-wed sex you could imagine."

"Oh, wow!" said the barman.

"Suddenly, I spotted an oasis in the distance. I was saved! I ran towards it with open arms. However, I found nothing. It was just a mirage."

"Oh, no!" said the barman.

"But all was not lost, my friend. In the sand before me was a golden lamp. I picked it up and rubbed it. Out popped a genie! It wasn't some big blue thing with the voice of Robin Williams, either. She was a beautiful woman genie, with the voice of an angel."

"Oh, yeah!" said the barman.

"She told me I had three wishes. Firstly, I wished for some water. A bottle of cool water appeared in my hand. Secondly, I wished for some food. A sandwich appeared in my other hand. For my third wish, I had one final need. 'Genie,' I said. 'I wish to make love to you.'

'I'm sorry, dear,' she told me. 'Genies don't have those parts."

'Well, I wish to make love to you from behind.'

'We don't have those parts either,' the genie giggled.

I was desperate now. 'Well then,' I asked. 'Can you give me a little head?'

Image: David Chapman