🐉 NSFW: Chinese New Year

Happy Chinese New Year. Because the regular new year has already proven to be an irredeemable failure.

 

    It was Chinese New Year, and it happened to be the year of the dragon. According to Chinese tradition, those born during the year of the dragon are considered lucky. In Shanghai, there lived a 47-year-old Chinese man who was born during the year of the dragon, giving him the nickname "Dragon Baby."

He lived in a fancy loft and had an abundance of wealth, fancy cars, and hot babes. However, he was depressed as he wasn't truly happy with his fancy life.

His depression became worse after his cat died because his Korean butler thought it tasted good. So consequently, the man fired his butler, leaving him truly alone with no family except his sister who lived in San Francisco. 

The man wanted to call her but couldn't do so directly through an international line. Therefore, he decided to call an operator for assistance.

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Frustrated at the operator he hangs up.

But why did the Chinese man hang up?

Because he Wang the Wong number.

Okay, moving on to the story.

With no luck reaching his sister, he had no choice but to travel abroad to a distant foreign land called California.

    So after 50 years of living in Shanghai, he traveled to San Fransico to meet his sister face-to-face. He hasn't seen her in a long time and they were finally happy to see each other again after so many years. She suggested they he should move into her neighborhood in Chinatown.

So, he went through the immigration system to become a natural citizen.

However, he couldn't afford to move in directly to Chinatown, so he bought a home on a very small piece of land near Russian Hill.

Then a friendly Californian neighbor decided to walk across the street and welcome the new guy after hearing the news.

He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway, he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs,' he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.

Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

The Californian dude couldn't handle it, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."

The Chinese man is very aback and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."

'What do you mean' says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."

"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks get piss drunk and listen to bull-shit!"

Image: Storyteller