🧪 NSFW: A Mad Scientist and his Dim-Witted Assistant

 

A mad scientist and his dim-witted assistant are collecting resources to bring a cyborg abomination to life.

They split the work to be as efficient as possible. The scientist decides to stay at the lab to tinker with and clean the robotic parts, and the assistant goes out to collect body parts.

After an hour, the assistant arrives with a leg, and sees the robotic parts still covered in grease.

"Here is leg, master." He says. The scientist nods and places the leg in a cooler. Then the assistant leaves again.

Another hour passes as the assistant arrives with a severed arm. Again, he is disheartened by the gross state of the metal and gears.

"Here is arm, master." Again, the scientist nods in approval and places the arm in the cooler, and once again the assistant leaves.

Two hours pass, and the assistant is exhausted when he returns. He managed to acquire a severed head but is appalled to see that the scientist's mess has gotten even worse. Pissed off, he barks at the scientist and says;

"I'll only give you head if you clean your junk first!"

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I used to work for a mad scientist

He was a real visionary, or so I thought at the time. Eccentric, yet fiercely intelligent. His work was on genetically enhancing marine mammals, especially dolphins. We were making them stronger, faster and above all *smarter*-and after all it's well known that dolphins are already very intelligent. The idea was that they could help coast guards save people. For perhaps a year, I was simply happy to be working alongside such a brilliant man for the good of humanity.

But there was a problem.

Not only were the dolphins showing signs of almost human-level intelligence-they lacked even the most basic sense of morality or ethics. They would kill and kill for fun. In a word, they were evil. Some of the horrors I witnessed, as I watched them develop, haunt me to this day.

But worse was yet to come. I came to realize that my employer was doing this *deliberately*. What benefit could such a project possibly have, if not for some ulterior motive? I never found out, because at that point I left in disgust. I had thought what we were doing would benefit mankind, but it turned out in the end that it was all for his own, nefarious porpoises.

What's that? 'This is bullshit you could have set up the punchline in one sentence?' Well, good point but, uh.

Author (Second part): hitlerallyliteral