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Off the beaten path...

🥶 Cold Alaskan Tales

A Buddy and I Flew up to Alaska to Do Some Ice Fishing.

Neither of us had ever been and we were both pretty excited, but when we got there my friend was just too freaked out about falling through the ice and freezing to death to go. Well, I was still super stoked, so I ended up calling a local tourist company and I hired a couple of locals to take me out to show me how and where to fish.

Turned out my guides were smoking hot twins. Best day ever. We ended up hitting it off during our time on the ice thing led to another. That night I met up with my friend at the bar and I ended up telling him about this crazy ice fishing adventure with the hot twins. He begged me to go into detail about what went down. I told him I didn't want to get too graphic in public but in baseball terms: I stepped up to bat and put two points up on the board.

Well, this old guy sitting on the other end of the bar heard this and flipped the hell out. We ended up nearly getting into a fight and the bartenders had to throw him out. I asked the bartender what the deal with the crazy grandpa was. Apparently, those twins were his daughters, and he was not a fan of my double on tundra...


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper...

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

Image: ©Chad Carpenter

First Story: FrankieTheAlchemist

Second Story: ODaferio


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