🐶 Dog Days of August

Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.

When the first dog asks the second dog what he’s in for, he answers, “My master bought a brand-new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I’ve been brought here to be put to sleep. So, what are you here for?”

The first dog replies grimly, “I’m also being put to sleep. My master had a table with a collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidently bumped into the table and broke them all.”

The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he’s in for. The third dog answers, “The reason I’m here is the other day my master stepped out of the shower, and she bent over. I couldn’t resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like a wild animal!”

“So, I guess you’re also here to be put to sleep?” says the first dog.

The third dog answers, “Nope, I’m here to get my nails clipped!”

_____________________________________________________________________________

    As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chips in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. 

The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, then the butcher follows him off.

 The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. 

A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass......... It's the second time this week he's forgotten his keys!"

Image: Henry Hintermeister