👨🏻 NSFW: Dave

In the Beginning, God created Dave...

This story is Not Safe for Work and may not be suitable for children!

    This guy walks into a bar to get some drinks. A bartender named, Dave, walks up to him and says, "You look happy today, what happened?" 

The guy says, "Well Dave, I was waxing my boat, just waxing and waxing, and this brunette with tits out to here!" 

The guy gestures a B cup, "walks up to me and says, 'Is that your boat?' 

I said, 'Uhu." 

She said, 'Wanna take me for a ride?' 

I said, 'Uhu." So, I took her out, Dave, I took her WAY out, and I said, 'You have sex with me, or you swim."

The next day, the guy is looking all happy again and is bouncing around the bar, so Dave walks up to him and says, "You look happy today, what happened today?" 

The guy says, "Well Dave, I was waxing my boat, just waxing and waxing, and this redhead with tits out to here!" the guy gestures a C cup, "walks up to me, and says, 'Is that your boat?' 

I said, 'Uhu.' She said, 'Wanna take me for a ride?' 

I said, 'Uhu.' So, I took her out, Dave, I took her WAY out, and I said, 'You have sex with me, or you swim."

On the third day, the guy is depressed, ordering extra shots, and just miserable, so Dave walks up to him and says, "Well, you had two good days, and now it looks like you are having a bad day. What happened today?" 

The guy says, "Well Dave, I was waxing my boat, just waxing and waxing, and this blond with tits out to here!" 

The guy gestures a D cup. "Walks up to me and says, 'That your boat?' I said, 'Uhu.' She said, 'Wanna take me for a ride?' 

I said, 'Uhu.' So, I took her out, Dave, I took her WAY out, and I said, 'You have sex with me, or you swim.'

At this point, the guy looks Dave straight in the eyes and said, "And Dave, when she pulled down her pants, she had a dick. And Dave, I can't swim Dave."

A week later, Dave visits a counselor

The counselor says, "You should look to improve your life, but it'll take a lot of work on your part."

A month has passed, and Dave comes back.

"What brings you in today?" asks the counselor.

"Two things. First, thanks for the advice it totally worked!"

"What... that was fast, but I'm not sure that one session could really help you..."

"It did and it was totally easy!"

Confused the counselor asks, "What was the second thing?"

"Oh yeah! Watch out for a 45-year-old red head. She's really mad at you!"

"What do you mean?"

"I got a new wife, and it sure was an improvement! But boy... my ex is really mad at you!"

The counselor exclaims, "I said improve your life! Not wife!"

Then Dave winks at the counselor, "Don't worry, I won't tell."

Image: Ron Leishman