🪂 Skydiving

 

    Prepare to Drop

    Once there was a liberal Englishmen who decided to fulfil his lifelong dream and go skydiving. So, he went to the airport and signed up for a class. Upon arriving for the class, he discovered that the teacher was an elderly East Indian gentleman.

"Good day, good day everyone and welcome! In our first class, we will discuss the basic parachute." The old man quickly demonstrated how to correctly strap on the parachute and then pointed to a large red tab.

"Now, this is the rip cord. When you jump out of the plane, you must first count to ten, one two three four five six seven eight nine ten, and then pull the rip cord, like so. When you do this, your parachute will open, and you will float gently to the ground."

In the back of the room, an unpleasant thought struck our aspiring skydiver. "Excuse me, please?" "Ah, yes, a question in the back?" "Yes, uh, what should we do if the parachute doesn't open?"

The teacher smiled broadly and nodded. "Yes, yes, very good question. This is the next point I was coming to. If your rip cord does not work, the most important thing is Do Not Panic. Now, look here." He pointed to a large yellow tab on the opposite side of the parachute.

"This is the emergency rip cord. If for some reason your rip cord does not work, what you must do is count to five, one two three four five, and then pull the emergency rip cord. And when you do this, your parachute will open, and you will float gently to the ground."

Now, our friend the skydiver wannabe had to ask the natural follow up question. "What if the emergency rip cord doesn't work, either?"

The teacher nodded solemnly. "Ah, my son, then you must pray very hard to Buddha that he will save you."

"...What?"

"Oh yes! You must cry out in a very loud voice 'Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, please save me!' "

"...Right. Well, it's not like that's going to happen anyway."

The class continued without any incidents, and the student made it through every lesson and simulation with flying colors. After a few weeks, it was time for his first solo jump. He and the instructor went up in the plane and prepared his parachute. "Remember, count to ten and then pull the rip cord! Ready? Jump!"

The man hurled himself from the plane and into free fall. What a thrill! Absolutely worth the lessons and the time and money. 'OK, count. One, two... nine, ten!' And he pulled the rip cord! And... nothing happened.

"No problem, no problem, don't panic! Count to five... four, five!" And he pulled the emergency rip cord! And... nothing happened.

Still in free fall, the man looked down. This was suddenly much less thrilling. And the ground looked awfully hard, and awfully close. "You know what? What have I got to lose? BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA, PLEASE SAVE ME!!!"

Immediately, a massive hand reached out of the clouds, gently caught the man and set him safely on the ground. Naturally, he was stunned.

"Wha- I don't- Oh thank God!"

SPLAT!

(Note: When telling this joke IRL, it is critical that you pantomime all of Buddha's actions, carefully catching the foolish skydiver, setting him safely on the nearest table or other surface, and then swatting him like a bug when he disrespects you.)

Author: ZebraPossible2877